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the last year.

This blog is long over due but I have been avoiding it. Partially maybe because I want to deny it but it keeps rolling around in my head and it makes me extremely sad.  I've always given myself the advice to "stop thinking" and don't let life get you down, the more you analyze something the more life you give it, the worse it becomes.  So I've stuck my head in the sand for the last 3 months or so...and every time I peek out I regret it. Recapping last blog, mom had a possible miracle, we were headed to a Neurosurgeon hoping to get a shunt placed and mom would be back to normal right.  WRONG. The doctor's visit was a disaster, the worst actually.  He suspected she had been misdiagnosed and to spare everyone the details he was a complete ass about it.  I have never been so mad in my life, not just because he took my miracle away but because he was so mean, literally he acted as if my mother was a waste of space. I looked at him in tears at the end of the very
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Neurosurgery

I finally edited the last blog!  Thank you to everyone who reached out with the kind words, it felt so good to get it all out and to be validated!  That blog was an emotional dump on my part, I would stay up at night running it all through my head and I needed to process it all.  Though it was incredibly long, so many details were left out but the stress and trials were conveyed! I changed a few things in my edit, including adding the picture of my mom that made me feel like she was dying. And I removed the part about my dad.  I don't wish this on anyone and I certainly don't want my dad to die anytime soon but I DO wish he put more effort into his relationship with his biological children.  (a daddy issues post would be even longer than the last! haha) So on with the story of Mom's journey. So yes, now we have our miracle, we have to decide how to move forward and get mom back.  So we conference called.  While I had been burnt out,  I knew she had to come back to my ho
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Mom

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Today was bittersweet. Today I experienced a miracle. The miracle was given to one of the most deserving people I know, My mom. Let's rewind to June 2016, My mom and I were on the phone, I was irritated because I knew she had scheduled to have a knee replacement surgery but she was not giving me any information about it.  She has always been ridiculously private, I on the other hand have no filter and do not care what people know about me or think of me. In the gene pool I got most things from my mom, looks, extremely pale skin, hair, eye color but one thing I certainly did not inherit is my mother's personality.  I am more outgoing, I seek socialization and share most of my everyday life openly.  My very self reliant mom however, she wouldn't even tell her own daughter the date of her upcoming surgery. I remember the conversation clearly and it haunts me: ME: Mom, you are being ridiculous, what if something happens to you during surgery, NO ONE can even get into your
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